Now Sit Still: A Schematic Dialogue

“Now sit still!” – a schematic monologue

YHWH – sit still there and know

D – ok, cool, let’s see how this will go, on the chair here, yep, breathe in and breathe… hang on wait a minute who are you people?

Howie Percy Eeves – Howie’s the name mate, i work for “Take A Fence LTD”… yes that’s my slogan – I take a ‘fence from people, and then build it round’ ova people mate, now i’ve been commissioned to build a fence right through your chair

D – now you listen to me “Howie”, I don’t care who your bloody company are, take y’affence with you back to your own fence company and build it round yourself, i am going to sit still and listen, shit who are you, you look awful, are you ok?!

Hugh R. Limp – me, oh i’m nobody, I’m all attached, attached to other people’s or i mean to my own laces and I just can’t walk around all day, I can’t and It makes me just terribly emotional and anxious you see… i thought i could come and help you be still, as i heard you needed me, but now i’ve come over i’ve realised, I can’t help you, I can’t even help myself erm oh heavens, i thought you needed me but you don’t oh dear i just need…

D – hugh mate, you’ve got velcro. Velcroooo. Come now child, go off there and you’re going to be just fine, little one, nobody is going to abandon you, all i’m saying when i tell you to go, is i just need to sit still so i can know… ok?

Corporal Punishment- what did you say? You want to sit still? How could you say such a thing? I would never myself sit still, it is beneath me, much like the armies of foolish serfs i have crushed myself, yes ha myself, through my perrrrfect moral resilience and legal diligence!

D you and which army? All i can see is hugh R. Limp asking for you to help him move on from velcro to laces, and hell maybe even a car? Now piss off, you’re useless! You can’t help a single person… Now who the hell are you?!! …

“Di-an Trian” – It’s in my name sweetie … they could never find the time to add “gle” on the end, I wanted to make a-four-legged-chair-with-three-legs, and I unrelentlessly tried… I was never able to finish my work… I’ve come back from my grave to warn you, you are sitting on a four-legged chair, and that just isn’t the right standard for sitting still and knowing! Now don’t say i didn’t warn you! Oh good heaven’s not that bastard again…

D – yes i was beginning to think you would never stop talking…

“Arse-Undersided” – My arse has been named “Undersided” …it has so many sides under it you see, as it sits in different places … either black or white… split all up… it’s this side or that….that side or this, yes no, ying or yang…

D – oh just get some grey shoes, who ever advised you otherwise was just plain wrong…

Dj yoyo – grey shoes did you say?… them grey shoes lead to the blues, and them grey shoes too lead to the beatific views… you don’t want grey shoes… keep ‘em black or white!

D – dj, well your not really a dj, i mean you are so up and so down, that your beats are pretty tame in comparison, plateau bro… then you’ll have a better show… there is no tax on chillax, oh heck what are you doing up there, you were only down there a moment ago… and now to sit still and… ohhhh who are you?

Father Grave Mann– I, i am Father Grave, this a most serious situation, I have lost my son and can’t help you be still you see, as i have been quite lost in this tempest you see.

D – yes…grave… indeed… well, i don’t really care how you fare, i was trying to sit still just here and now you’re clouding my judgement and i couldn’t be “father’ from the truth if you see my sense, excuse the pun…

Karma Dunne – woah man! How funny! The absolutely funniest thing i have ever, ever, ever heard, i am going to write it down now and send it to all my friends and then make about six lists of how you are the most singularly important person in my life … sit now, now (!), seize this moment and sit, don’t let it go it must be now… it must be at this precise and monumentously significant moment!

Empress herr – yes many many people vil know about this, sveetheart… they vil know…

D – sh*t, leave!… i mean all of you… i feel i’m a patient in  and intensive care unit with you all here…

All together – intensive care you say? A patient you say? Sitting still in patience of intensive-self care you say? In silence too?! Well we don’t want to know about that at all now do we?
D – phew! Now were was i?

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